wow, i thought i'd enjoy the whole bumming around thing, but there's absolutely nothing to do! aaaahhhhhh...can i really do this for an entire month?! well since i have nothing better to do, i've been doing alot of thinking...major thinking about death, school, friendships, love--- life. [cindy i just read your entry and i guess i felt compelled to spill my guts out too...]
now i know i've talked about the accident on here plenty of times....but seriously, sometimes it still doesn't seem like it happened. sometimes i think this has been one terrible and horrific dream and we'll all wake up and everything will be back to normal ...whatever that is. how could this have happened, especially to her? melissa was such an ambitious girl who had goals and was ready to work hard and achieve her dreams. i've never seen anybody so determined... even though i didn't know her for that long...i really admired her. then....sept 19...when i left the apartment i was the last of the roomies to see her. ever since then everything changed.
school...what can i even say about that....the concentration level at 1106 and everywhere else it seems, became nonexistant. i just couldn't concentrate...i know my future depends on school and graduating, but part of me just wanted to drop out...life just wasn't the same anymore...everything was just stressful. when i tried to just chill out, it seemed like things became worse. it was a 'lose-lose' situation because if tried to concentrate and catch up i coudn't concentrate and if i tried to just chill to prevent from a stress overload i would fall behind even more. i really tried...i was able to catch up in english, sociology and chem [i think i got As in english and sociology...hopefully a B in chem] but kinesiology kicked my ass. no, worse than that....it destroyed me. i've never done so bad in school before...i've never gotten anything lower than a B in a class. seriously...i did sooo bad...before taking the final i already knew....
so, instead of doing homework and studying as much as i could've...my nights were spent bonding with the girls, spending time with the people i love, watching FRIENDS, goofing around, and reminiscing about the good times we had with melissa. while i didn't use my time doing homework, i used it to get closer to the girls, the sisters i never had, my new best friends[besides charlene]....my roomies. i know we were talking about this a lil bit ago, but i just want to say that i truly love you girls from the bottom of my heart. you've all been my support system through this emotional roller coaster we call life. thank you again....
love and relationships....not necessarily just mine but other peoples' too... beginning of the semester the ladies of 1106 were all taken and had boyfriends...in between then and now, we've all had relationship drama. mad drama. maybe all the stress from the accident and school affected our relationships...but it just seemed like everything was thrown at us all at once. things happened that we never expected to happen [what else is new?!] while some of the drama has been resolved...i know there's still some thoughts and questions inside of us.
maybe everything happened to see if we could handle it...to teach us something that we didn't know before, to not take the relationships we have for granted, to make sure that the paths we chose in life were what we really wanted to do, to begin to have a stronger relationship in God....and i think it did just that. even though it was forced, we've all matured in the last 3 months....
wow, this is a long entry...but i hope that reading this will also also compel you to think about your life...to appreciate it...to appreciate the people in your life, to tell those people you love them, to not intentionally hurt someone, to make sure that you're leading the life you want to lead...just remember these words written by an angel...
"love life and it will love you back" -melissa grace | 
my girls
my girls for life!